I met Blake at the most convinienty inconvinient time in my life. I wasn't looking for a friend, I wasn't looking for anyone; and I certainly wasn't looking for someone like Blake. I didn't know who he was at first, which is obviously usual prior to "meeting someone", however I had no idea who this Blake person was, or what he would be capable of introducing into my life. Whether it be good, or bad. But I'm a curious girl, by nature and at the time, I was going through a deep spiral of depression and loneliness and heartbreak. My partner at the time had up and left me for Cairns, despite my begs and cries for him to stay with me. It literally destroyed my world at the time. I experienced suicidal thoughts, dabbled on taking up drugs or excessive drinking to kill the pain of heartbreak and loss and eventually got to a point where I was incapable of venturing out of my bedroom unless it was for necessary needs, like the shower or toilet. I was beginning to worry my parents and friends-blocking them out so I didn't have to explain why I was always on the verge of bursting out into tears. It just seemed like an easier way for me to handle the pain-blocking everyone who cares enought to ask why-out of my life. I became, so to speak, a part of the furniture in my bedroom. The hollow aching pain in the middle of my chest kept me curled in a foetal-like position in my bed. I went to bed late due to temporary insomnia and woke up later in the day; i was attempting to sleep each day away so it proved easier for me to keep on breathing. However, as the days progressed, I found myself going to bed earlier, waking up at more reasonable hours of the day, talking to my parents more and even going around to some of my friends houses to see them once in a while. I started to realise, that a broken heart WAS capable of mending-athough it is a slow and painful process all in itself, over time, whether it be a short period or long period of time, the heart manages to heal itself. And the victim of a broken heart can finally smile without wondering if the pain underneath is showing-because the pain is no longer a persistant pain anymore, it's more along the lines of a dull and numbing pain-a faint pain. And as the days go on, you start to forget about the dull pain inside your heart and you see your life for what it truly is-YOUR life. That's when it is obviously acceptable to say you have moved on and have discovered true happiness again. One night, I decided to go on "Facebook", the social networking site. I hadn't been on fo a while and if I was on, it was only to check my account quickly and then I was off, back onto my bed. However, since I was slowly getting back to myself, I hopped on one night and intended on being on for a few good hours to kill time before bed. I wasn't that tired and I hated lying in bed waiting for the tiredness to kick in, which in my instance can take hours on end, so if i could find something to distract me until the tiredness set in- Facebook was the perfect option. I would have been on facebook for about an hour or so before someone started talking to me on chat. I didn't feel up to talking and especially to this person who I didn't even know-a "Blake"- but because the last thing i wanted to do was hurt someone elses feelings, I replied to him instantly. We got talking- general chit-chat. He asked how i was, I said i wasn't too good. He asked why, i told him why. He asked about the details, he was acting as if he wanted to find out every little bit of deal about me, despite the fact that i wasn't the most interesting person to talk to at the time; going on about my life traumas and how i was overcoming them. But this "Blake" person was easy to talk to- and he seemed to take my mind off a lot of bad things in my life at the time. He asked me if I wanted to come to his "going away party"- apparently he was soon to be moving to the Sunshine Coast to live with his aunty and he was only going to be in town for a few more weeks. He emailed me his party invitation and informed me that it would make him really happy if i decided to go. As much as i had already grown to sort of "like" this "Blake" person; I wasn't one for parties. In fact, I have never been to a single party in my life- so why would this be any exception now? Because i liked the fact that someone else cared about me and my problems? And what- i didn't even know this boy from a bar of soap! Plus, he was fifteen and i at the time was seventeen- WHY did he sound so interested in a girl like me? I emailed Blake back and gave him a defiant "Maybe" response. I said i would think about it- but really, what was there to think about? Deep inside my mind i knew even if i did agree to going to Blake's party, I would have made up some extremely lousy excuse at the last minute not to go. But i left it as a "Maybe", just because i didn't want to let him down somehow or maybe even lose a possible near-future friend. Blake and I keep talking and i surprisingly am not even keeping track of the time. We must have been talking about anything and everything random for about two hours straight when Blake decides to inform me that he had been "waiting" for my relationship status on Facebook to return to "single" again. This startles me instantly- and i started at the chat box for a few seconds wondering how to respond to that. It wasn't as if he hurt my feelings by saying he was only talking to me because he thinks i'm "attractive" and wants to "have a chance" with me- it was more along the lines of, he seemed extremely interested in me and i sort of, well, liked that. It flattered me. Alot. And although it was ridiculous- young boys get crushes all the time- i suddenly felt good about myself, after feeling so down and insecure about myself for months. Blake told me i was beautiful and that he had been going through my photos since i first accepted his friend request on Facebook and he had aways been in awe at how beautiful i was. Like a pathetic little schoolgirl, i couldn't wipe the smile Blake had brang to my face off and almost instantly my stomach did back flips and experienced an intense case of butterflies. I typed back to him that i was flattered, but i didn't believe i was beautiful, however the fact that he thinks i am makes me happy. Straight away, Blake popped the big question. He asked me out. On an actual date. I sat blankly on my bed staring at my laptop screen. I defiantly was not ready to just jump back into the dating pool after i had nearly drowned myself in my own tears! And Blake knew this- i had already explained to him what had happened- couldn't he take a hint? Or better still, couldn't I take a hint?! That particular chat should have ended when Blake confessed that he was basically waiting for my previous relationship to crash and burn, but i, stuck in my immature flattery, let it continue for far too long. But the most confusing part of the whole situation was, the fact that i was enjoying it to the extent that i didn't want to blatently tell Blake i defiantly was not interested in him- when in fact, i kind of was. I told him that I was sorry, that at the moment i was not looking to jump straight back into a relationship, but maybe i would be ready in the near future, who knows. But yes, i would give him my number and text him when he decides to text me first and yes, as soon as he had to go offline i would put "xo" when i told him to have a good sleep and YES he would remain constantly on my mind for the rest of the night.
I can't tell you how many mixed emotions ran through my veins when i first heard his voice.-to be continued.
